The Infertile Gourmet

2 Years and 9 Months

Maybe what I most want you to know is how much I like you.  Of course, I love you.  I have too!  :)  But really how much I like who you are becoming is what makes me smile so much.  Sure, there are some days where "mommy needs space" but you also tell me that you "need space" too so I guess we are even!  Considering how much time we spend together (I hate missing even a minute even though I need those minutes) we still want to be in each other's presence.

"Let's talk mommy, let's talk"  If I heard this once today I heard it one thousand times.  You make me use your Snow White doll, that your Grandma Marlyn gave you on their recent visit, to carry on a conversation. I, Daddy, or any victim that may be close by talks to you about what is happening in your life.  The good, the bad, and the ugly is discussed with full disclosure.  How adorable you are as you practice your hand movements like an Italian mafioso and say "because" too many times in one conversation. 

You are mommies little parrot. You regularly copy me including moments like when I dropped a jar out of the fridge and said a favorite word of mine....oops.  You walked around tonight saying shit, shit, shit practicing several times.  I must change my language..I must increase the good words...I must. On a good notre I see you mimicking the lovely things that I want you to do.  Like when you lovingly pat a friend's baby when he cries.  Or when you delicately stroke a kitty and whisper sweet pet nothings into their furry ears.  Hmmm I just love you so much.  Too sweet.  I also adore when you come up and pat me on the back just to make it clear you love me!  Pure sugar!

Hurricane talking comes from those lips!  Talking up a storm just does not cut it.  You love to speak fast and are just now learning to speak fast enough to do that but the last few weeks to compensate for the lack of words that you could get out fast you just mumble jumble nonsense.  LOL.  You speak quite well when you are talking normally but when fast talk happens this is not the case.  We taught you to say excuse me when you wanted to politely intterupt but I think that I may have taught you a tool of mass control.  You hold up your little dictator hand and say no no no no mommy excuse me.  Of course I will see what you want because you were being polite and the fact that certain days I think I may have met my match.  The minute you detect Daddy and I may become the Bickersons you put up that same hand and say MOMMY MOMMY mommy getting higher pitched until we are laughing and you know that you have taught us kids a lesson in how to get along.

Trampoline.  Nonstop.  Bouncing bean of a little thing.  You like it so much that Christmas night we were out jumping with you at 2 in the morning!  I met my bad mother quota for the day and you got to jump.  Two birds with one stone.

You had a blast and were a blast during our Merry Hannuka/Happy Christmas celebrations.  We somehow blended both parts of the celebration which turned out to be a mini marathon present fest for you.  Thank you dollar store for presents that thrilled a two year old. How fun it was that you grasped the concepts of what was happening.  You helped me wrap presents, bake cookies for Santa, set out carrots for the reindeers, cook latkes, spin dreidels, assemble traditional Guatemalan Christmas eve tamales, dance in merriment, and circle the many parties we went to with ease and late nights.

I hate to label you as shy but when you are with someone new or in a  new place  you tend to be reserved.  Make sure that you do not think that I believe you to be a wallflower...oh no!  Just reserved.  No amount of pushing you forward makes you budge towards being social. However, the other night I had a gentleman come to the house to purchase a chandelier I was selling.  Your friend Leia was over and you both were playing while I showed him the light.  You walked in and he said hello and I expected you to leave but no you said hi back!  Then you even introduced Leia to the man!  Shock.  "Hi, this is my friend Leia"!

Mirror, mirror, on the wall.  Who is the fairest talker of all?  You carry on conversations with the mirror.  I cannot  help but secretly watch you as you converse with yourself/mirror.  So cute. If you see me looking game over.  So I sneak looking at you.

You adore your friends.  Your best galpal is Leia. You frequently talk about her when she is not here and when you both are together it is nonstop giggling.  It warms my heart to watch you both play. I hope it is a lifelong friendship that is started this early.  I have friends that I grew up with and Leia is like your family.  We do Shabbat every Friday together, babygroup on Wednesdays, and the Perry's house on Sundays! 

I miss when you were a baby.  I love the age that you are now. I cannot wait for tomorrow.  I like all of your ages.  You are such a happy child!

New Years Hello

Got a couple of things I want to say before I launch into yearly in-law visit extravaganza.

First, I feel a bit harsh leaving Damn you, Missouri up for a long time.  I typically do not like to damn anything...sorry Missouri.   On a political note I did not mean to offend John Mccain supporters because I know he seems like a good guy.  It is just that I really, really dig Obama's chili.  I am not hatin' on Mccain.

I wanted to comment also on the historical election of Obama.  It is amazing that an African American can finally accomplish what has been reserved for the good ol' boys club for too long.  What an amazing, awe-inspiring, and deeply rewarding victory on so many levels!  I will never forget the sweet feeling  that washed over me when he won.  I finally felt like America had awoken from a bad dream into a better reality that had resided in our hearts for so long previously.  It was unseasonably warm here in St Louis on election night and I had the living french room doors open to the warm breezes.  Living in a house built one year after the civil war ended.  The wood in this house saw a different day. People living here in this very room lived slavery. I am proud to say that I have a secret passage way under my house that leads to caves that were used in the underground railroad.  The school through the field next to my house was built sometime during the 1820's. This school is actually where I casted my vote for Obama.   It was one of the  stops and these caves hid people heading to a new future.  So my land is inherently good. Somehow the ages swirled around my head intoxicating my heart.  Jubilant.  Here I was in 2008 and not only is slavery gone but a black man has the ultimate power to care for a nation that he once upon a time had no say in his own life.   Dare I say that we have evolved enough to finally allow the best guy to win despite gender or color?  Apparently we have.  Which leads to my next sentiment. 

I know Mccain supporters.  People who are close to me and whom I care about.  One of the questions asked of me several times was what has Obama done?  Are you supporting him because of color or his accomplishments?  I can sort of understand the question but on the other hand if frustrated me.  I agree that he is a young man compared to the average age of many presidents however experience with politics or age does not necesarily make a better president.  Sometimes, I think that a soul was prepared for an important job and cultivated for a position.  This is how I feel about Obama.  He is a smart man, a kind man, and is an insightful  man. 

The first time I saw Obama was when he was running for senator of Illinois.  He made me tingle and the hair stood up on end.  Before this I had learned to take care in politics, do my due diligence, and make an educated vote but never had I felt like singing to the heavens for a vote.  But he makes me feel that way.  He makes me want to be a better citizen....a flag flying citizen!

Regarding his color....that is just a bonus!  I would have voted for him whatever color he had been.  But, we got a bonus in this election.  The best candidate was an African American.  So not only did I vote for someone who inspired me on a soul level but I also got to cast my vote in history.

I am pleased to say that his actions thus far and the level of care he is taking his job is commendable.  He seems very pro-active.  It makes me smile that some of the Mccain supporters I mentioned even have had nice things to say about what he is doing.  Which proves my vote again.  He is bringing all of us together:

"It is that fundamental belief -- it is that fundamental belief -- I am my brother's keeper, I am my sisters' keeper -- that makes this country work.

 It's what allows us to pursue our individual dreams, yet still come together as a single American family: "E pluribus unum," out of many, one.

Now even as we speak, there are those who are preparing to divide us, the spin masters and negative ad peddlers who embrace the politics of anything goes.

Well, I say to them tonight, there's not a liberal America and a conservative America; there's the United States of America.

There's not a black America and white America and Latino America and Asian America; there's the United States of America.

The pundits, the pundits like to slice and dice our country into red states and blue States: red states for Republicans, blue States for Democrats. But I've got news for them, too. We worship an awesome God in the blue states, and we don't like federal agents poking around our libraries in the red states.

We coach little league in the blue states and, yes, we've got some gay friends in the red states.

There are patriots who opposed the war in Iraq, and there are patriots who supported the war in Iraq.

We are one people, all of us pledging allegiance to the stars and stripes, all of us defending the United States of America.

 In the end, that's what this election is about. Do we participate in a politics of cynicism, or do we participate in a politics of hope?"

Please read the whole speech here.

Smile.

Damn You, Missouri

Much to my satisfaction Obama did win.  But that sure was not due to Missouri.  What in the hell is wrong with you people.  The city of St Louis voted 86 percent in his favor!  Yeah city folk. 

Do not get me wrong.  If you voted for Mcain for various reasons I understand and I am not mad about that so much :)  Just a little :)  I am not blantantly democratic just very pro-Obama. 

What I am super ticked off about is that Missourians did not vote to give Metro more money and to help them expand and to stay open past 8.  How in the hell can we continue to grow as a real city if we do not keep up with expansion of public transportation.  Better for environment and for money reasons.  Geesh.

Second.  Ummm California?  Hello?  What the hell is wrong with you people voting against Gay marriage!!!  I could spit it makes me so angry.  They are families built on love trying to live normal lives and be able to take care of one another in sickness and health.  Damn you for being so closed minded.  If you disagree with it do not marry someone of the same sex.  How does a govenerment union of two people discourage your own sanctified religous ceremony?  Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Two step forward and one step back.....Breathe Alex Breathe

Yes we did

Yesterday was terrible.  Tomorrow, though, I have hope.  I look forward to tomorrow.

Scarlett said it well with her clever names.  When she is really fond of someone she ads moo-ah to the end of one's name.  Mommy-moo-ah  Daddy-moo-ah  Grandma-moo-ah  She has only said this to five or so people.

Tonight after the cheering died down.  She looked at me and said....Obama-moo-ah.

Yes, love, mommy agrees....Obama-moo-ah

Tomorrow.  Smile.

Election Day 2008

Indoctrinating your two year old when it comes to politics is a necessary evil that comes with parenting.  I will admit my brainwashing has involved the love for Obama.  We anticipate anxiously tonight  the results.  It has been a long time coming, this election.

Between singing songs and cheering when Obama crosses the screen I think I have succeeded in getting Scarlett's vote to be for Obama.  We dutifully carried her off to the Obama rally here in St Louis.  The largest rally he had to date!  Very pleased with this.  She talked about it often after.  Whenever she sees him speaking she says "I was there" with a big smile. 

Her baby carriage for her babies sports a button "Kids for Obama" (as if she has made some informed choice ha).  Needless to say she has taken an interest in Obama.  Shamefully, I will admit, it may have started with Obama Girl. 

My girl has a clever way of coming up with new names for people.  She calls me Obama mama.  When asked who she is going to vote for she says regarding her babies Obama baby or Obaby.   She also knows that saying Mcain sends me into a fit of pretend anger rolling around like I am dying.  She giggles.  So then when asked who she was voting for she said Mcdaddoo (Daddoo being her name for Daddy).  She is funny that one.

All joking aside I do want to teach my children to have their own mind.  As she gets older I will teach her to fairly ascertain which candidate is her own choice.  I will of course not speak poorly about the one I would not choose but give solid reasons why one gets my vote of the other unless that is unless W runs for a third term and pigs fly. 

Having said this I took her to the voting booth with me.  We talked about it the day before and she knew she was going to get up early and go with mommy and daddy.  Cool enough I can look out the guest bedroom window, across the field of the community garden, and see my polling place.  I could tell there were no lines!  So off we went with S pushing her baby.  She was a bit crabby but behaved well enough.  She was actually interested in the ballot itself and I explained where I checked off for Obama. 

So tonight we will stare at the TV in hopes that Obama soon will be in office.  Fingers crossed!

Scarlett did you not read the sign?  No electioneering 25 feet within the polling place.  Shameful.  At two and a half she has already broken the law.  What am I going to do with this one?  Bad recalcitrant child.  Oh the guilt will eat me up as the mother for allowing this.

Halloween

What does a mom say about Halloween?  Should I tell my kid how seriously she needs to plot which houses to hit up or how to calculate the speed in which her two year old legs can carry her.  This is about an ambush during a specific allowable time to acquire the goods.  Ultimately the candy was always going to be for us.  Tsk. Tsk.  I know.  Since we allow her very little sugar and usually on special occasions I surely was not going to let her eat it all.  But us....oh how I could not wait to marinate in the yummo goodness of crappy candy.   

and then there was the melamine scare...duh duh duuuuuuuuuuuuu.  No worries I plowed through the m and m's and my kidney's are fine thank you.  And of course I let my sugared up kid indulge too much.  She lollipopped to her heart's content and danced to the tune of milk dud's.  Proudly, she held up her freshly caught prey. 

Her co-conspirator, who might I add had quite the halloween spirit, Leia urged her strongly to run Scarlett run to the next house and get more candy!  Oh the joie de vivre touched my Halloween heart. 

Halloween and Shabbat go hand in hand.  At least for me who plotted all week of switching the challah (ceremonial bread gorily sacrificed on Fridays) to a scary life size scary head named man.  Leia pulled the Challah cover off and instead of yummy bread-like butter transportation was a scare.  The kids cried.  Yeah that met my daily quota of bad mother moments for the day and I guess um it surpassed it.  Proud.  yes I was.

What would the night be without some pumpkin stories.  We got a bit carried away when the church across the street from our friend's house was giving away free pumpkins after 8.  Needing chicken food, decoration, and great compost material we bit.  Combine with the sugar high we were highly riding on it got scary.

It started innocently enough when we filled the trunk.  Up to the brim of a witche's hat.  Bur then the hysterical giggling started and it went downhill.  Out of control. 

Pumpkins were overflowing all orifices of the car.  We filled and filled and filled some more.  I will even admit to some stuffing and then some more stuffing.

In the pic to the right shall we play a little bit of Halloween Where's Waldo?  Find the little girl dressed in a pink ballerina costume.

My mother sent Scarlett a card for Halloween.  Sweet.  S walked around with that card for a week.  She even named all the characters in the card.  The mummy is Daddy.  The cute pumpkin is herself.  The witch?  Guess who?  Me.  Scary mommy witch.  Why did she choose that character for me?  Surely her two and  a half year old mind has not made the connection between witches and bitches.  As I always say.  Everyday every mother must fulfill her bad mother moments quota daily.  Apparently I meet mine.  

My Little Girl

       

Duggar Night

Duggar night at the Gourmet's.  Pull up your perm rollers and solution, tease the mall bangs(ok unfair of me this was so last season on the show), and plop your feet up on the couch made for 20.

Watching the Duggar show always gets me thinking.  Sure, there is the obvious thoughts like wow my uterus sucks, wow I hate their clothes, and the obligatory image of Michelle and Jim Bob having sex.....ugh...What? I cannot help it my mind just goes there. Trust me I dislike it more than your distaste for me even thinking this.

But usually my when I watch the show I have thougths that surprise me.  This time they actually are starting to grow on me!  I admire the way Michelle disciplines her children ...calm, discussing with the child, and telling what she expects from them.  Honestly, this is the way (on good days) I discipline Scarlett and it works very well.  I have a well behaved child.  I can take her almost anywhere.  Apparently the places that the Duggars visit like the grocery store and outings regularly state that the children are always well behaved.  So if there seventeen children are not axe murderers it is good enough for me and my family.  I guess I am not doing all wrong.

The next nice thing I can say is that Jim Bob seems to be nice, fun, and loving with the children.  I have to say the stereotype of this family runs rampant.  I think the most prevalent thing said about the family is that the inner workings must be off.  Michelle takes drugs and that is why she is so calm.  The children are passed of to an older child to raise and they are off to spawn more.  The jury is not completely out for me.  As a child of the Little House On The Prairie era I was indoctrinated with a "pure" and wholesome little life with ma and pa on the farm.  So of course there are aspects of the Duggar's I admire and others....well have you seen some of my other posts?

In all my snark about the Duggars I have some respect.  I know, I know, not a popular statement.  They are like a trainwreck of traincars carrying loads of candy spilled all over the track.  Trainwreck=bad  candy=good...  and I cannot look away. 

Fav Little House On the Prairie moment: They make there own laundry detergent from a bar of soap, water, and buffalo piss or something like that which last for two months and costs them ten dollars.  They do one hundred and eighty loads of laundry a month!  That totally knocks the socks off of my Trader Joes 9.99 special. 

One thing I know for sure...I am totally jealous of Michelle's uterus and laundry room.

Screwed

That's it.  I am screwed.

As I have discussed recently with a friend there is only so much fertility that goes around.  God makes a quota for the year and cuts it off once it is reached. 

Hence, those of us who have a hard time getting pregnant (not to name names) are screwed toward the end of the year. 

John and Kate plus 8 I will give some room.  They had some infertility..hard to write that with them having 8 kids in all but like I said they will get  a pass.

Have you met the Duggars?  Yeah, the tater tot casserole loving crowd who has seventeen children and one on the way.  They are bad enough.  But, I was warming to their family with all the cute clothing being worn, the laundry room any mom would give her slobbering child away for, and the gourmet cuisine.  and then.....and then the Duggar's made friends with the Bates at a homeschooling conference and invited them to Arkansas. They have 16 kids with one on the way. 

All of the world's  fertility mojo is camped up in Arkansas at the Duggars. How can I get some of that?

If you all see me wearing poofy sleeves, shunning the TV, talking with a twang, and getting arrested for trespassing on the lawn of the Duggars.  You know why.  Do you think it could rub off on me if I camped in the yard and rolled around in their grass? hey just trying to get my Duggar groove.

The other problem is that my husband is not the stud Jim-bob is.

I am screwed.

Honey Child

My litte honey girl.  One of the things we have done over the last year was to become beekeepers.  Scarlett refers to them as "my bees" like some kids refer to their adorable kitten Fluffy.  See the gleeful look in that honeycomb eating thing as she chomps down on its waxy sweet goodness! In the next pic notice the honey oozing down her legs :) 

Now I am playing catch-up for the past year.  The next pic is the obligatory Fourth of July parade-dogs-candy-sweaty-people-pic!

My daring Guatemalan girl who was lullabied to sleep by fireworks in Antigua is now  a bit more shy of the noise.  Demanding that we go inside when my pyromaniac-who-spends-his-annual-salary-on-fireworks-neighbor was setting of his pre-fourth of July display.  The dogs, however, loved the fireworks and would run around checking each one out as they went off.  One I am sure exploded directly into her mouth and she kept going with joie de vivre.  I had a heart attack as the rogue firework started shooting in our direction.  Screw the municipalities fireworks.  I am staying home from now on! 

What would a pic post be without the "yeah I went potty!"  pic that I can torture her with as an adult.  Come one honey let us sing the song....Pee-pee on the potty! Pee-pee on the potty!

Saturday morning cake making. This was her second birthday party and Passover combined.  And the next...ahhh the family photo.  We had a friend who is a photographer do a shoot.  We got some great photos but we also wanted to do a certain picture here but we did not get what we were going for.  The mosquitos were biting furiously two chickens ran off, the cats were chased back into the house by the neighbors dog, I sweated through my shirt and our little model was sick of taking photos.  However, in the effort to get the funny photo we were going for we happened to get a pretty accurate family photo strangely enough!  This just about sums up our life.  Chaotic.  Unkepmt. Funny. Fun. Goofy. Loving.